Week 6

That’s the way to do it! 3lbs of fat gone this week.  This means (a drum roll please) that I have now lost a total of fourteen and a half a pound and have another shiny sticker for the front of my slimming world book and a one stone certificate on the fridge.  I am very pleased with myself.  Oh yes my chicka dees, very pleased indeed. If you can remember my bucket list, this now means I have earned my first bucket list award - a treatment at the Old Thorns Country Club! Hurrah!

So losing a stone, how do I feel?  In myself, of course, I feel brilliant.  Things are just becoming easier and clothes are definitely feeling a bit more comfortable.  Although, I did go to the pool today and had just a tiny wobble as I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  I realise that I am still wearing that fat suit.  I think I can see a small change in my shape but I am still wearing that fat suit.  Funny isn’t it? In my head for some reason I think that I am slimmer than I actually am.  It was clearly all this denial that got me into trouble in the first place.  Today’s wake up call certainly saved me from rushing out and buying myself a new boob tube and hotpants set.  Probably best I leave it until I have lost just a few more pounds. 

Now, I really do not wish to dwell too much on last week’s kitchen spectacular but I would just like to say how impressed I am with our fabulous emergency services and the NHS in general.  I already have my physiotherapy appointment confirmed for tomorrow and have naturally put a request in for a topless Daniel Craig to perform the honours.  My only teeny, weenie, incey, wincey moan is to do with the plasters.  Over one week on and I am still trying to remove the sticky residue from various parts of my body.  It looks like I have got ringworm.  Honestly, I had to get Alan to pull the plasters off while I counted to three.  Each one removed at least one layer of skin and perfectly waxed the surface.  If only I had got the nurses to strategically place a few across my bikini line and I could have had a free Brazilian as part of the service.

Last Friday was Annie’s inset day and I took two of her friends along to see Breaking Wind (Dawn) part 2.  Trying, as ever, to be trendy cool mum and failing at every turn, I found that the car journey to Portsmouth was far more comfortable for all if I only spoke when I was spoken to in between their face book and texting.  When we arrived I left them to see their movie and mooched around the shops and then dutifully collected them for the journey home.  Two grunts for yes indicated in code to me that they wanted a McDonalds and so obliging, loving mummy takes them to Petersfield.  And then they spotted them, a bunch of helium balloons on the ceiling.  Three cool teenagers regressed back into likeable, loveable children as they finished their food; they each grabbed a balloon for the final part of the journey home.  Within the first couple of minutes, the first balloon was untied and helium was inhaled.  And that was that.  Laughter upon laughter as they took it in turns to speak like Pinkie and Perky.  We all went into melt down, it was absolutely hilarious.  And then it got me to thinking.....  If helium can provide the key to unlocking a teenager, just think what it could do for British Industry.  I think that we all should declare a National Helium Day.  I have looked everywhere and cannot find one listed.  National Helium day should mean that all public announcements be made under the influence of helium.  For example, at the post office ‘cashier number 6 please’ and Aircraft safety briefings on board, oh and definitely on board commuter trains and train platforms.  What a fantastic way for people to get talking.  I also think that any political speeches, on National Helium Day, in the House of Lords should also be done under the influence of helium.  I don't think that it would affect the believability of their policies in any way.

So back to my siblings: Annie and Jess got locked in a squash court this week.  No, I am not kidding.  They took themselves over the road to Bohunt squash courts to play.  Payment for the courts are in the form of a token which gives a 40 minute session, at the end of which, the lights go off and they are expected to leave the court.  Unfortunately the girls shut the door so hard that when the lights went off, they were in total darkness and could not open the door.  The first I knew about it was a couple of rings on my phone and then nothing.  I then saw that I had a text message that went like this “Mummy! Call me NOW!! We are locked in the court.  Call back! We will tell you the details!” Anyway, I walked over to the courts and rescued my children.  I asked Annie why she didn’t ring me and she said she didn’t want to waste her credit.  I swear to god she could be falling off a cliff and prefer not to make an emergency call in preference to talking to one of her friends. 

Anyway, whoever said that you should have children to look after you in old age was obviously of not sound mind.  I cannot even get mine to change a toilet roll. 

So here we go, another week begins.  Fourteen and one half pound of fat gone.  Fifty five and one half pound and counting. SX

Week 5

Well, 1lb off.  I stuck to the plan all week and even worked in a family dinner at our local pub with a couple of glasses of wine. I thought it might have been two pounds  this week but I now realise that there is no guaranteed system to this weight loss and I will take whatever loss I am given.  Oh, by the way, sorry for the slight delay in getting the blog out to you but this week has been a little eventful. 

I had a little scary moment on Sunday after dinner where I ended up on the kitchen floor in la la land. Ambulance called and carted off to Hospital with severe neck pain, aversion to light, disorientation and sickness...oh my god was I sick, so sick.  Anyway lots of tests later (none of which I remember and all clear) I was hooked up to a drip and overnighted for observation. 

The next morning and slightly more 'with it', I found that I had an overnight bag next to my bed. Fantastic, or so I thought.  I opened up the bag and found a pair of ski socks, a letter from Annie, one teddy bear, non matching pyjamas, one pair of my knickers, one pair of Annie’s knickers...no sign of a wash bag, oh and an old pair of slip on flip flops.  Admittedly, my family had little time to get things together for me as the house was in a state of emergency but Annie did have time to write a two sided note apologising for her behaviour earlier in the day and said that she loved me.  As much as I would have chewed off my own arm for a toothbrush at this point, as i had a mouth like Gandhi's flip flop, the note was lovely.

Whilst I was trying to find something useful in my overnight bag, Alan was trying to track me down via a mountain of phone calls to the hospital.  After 55 minutes of trying and possibly believing that the whole thing was a stunt and that I had left him, he was finally put through to a ward where the nurse asked him if I I had had the baby yet.  To this he replied ‘I bloody hope not!’. In error he had been put through to maternity! It is so true, you can always find humour in adversity. I nearly wet myself laughing at this one.

So in summary, meningitis scare over, CT scan shows I do have a brain and nothing sinister and all tests clear.   I only need to go back if I get any strange headaches or start acting out of character.  Alan says if I stop nagging he will run me back in immediately.  Oh yes, very funny. 

Following a recommendation from the hospital, I went to my local GP for a follow up the day after I got home.  The last time I saw my doctor we were talking Gastric Bands.  One month on, having been so healthy and this happens! I cannot believe it I think my body just went into shock, maybe I overdosed on pulses or maybe it just needs doughnuts...lots and lots of doughnuts.  Seriously, all is well.  My sister thinks that it was all brought on by a neck strain whilst training for our synchronised swimming.  That made me laugh as well.

Aside from all of this, if I have any words of wisdom to offer you this week ladies, let it be this: never ever buy cheap leggings.  I still seem to be functioning ok with my Marks and Spencer’s ones but the two pair pack I bought at Sainsbury’s are having a fight with my waist and crotch area.  11 and half pounds off and I cannot get them to sit right.  I seem to be having a bad underwear day every day and am forever sorting out my undercarriage.  Maybe this is the closest I will ever get to feeling like a man? Anyway,  I pull my leggings up to under my boobs (whilst in the Haka squat position) and by the time I have made it from the living room to the kitchen, they have rolled over my tummy and are suspended on my hip area with crotch area displaced south by 6 inches.  With my stiff neck and restriction in stride length, I am walking like a penguin.

So here is hoping for a rather less eventful week. Eleven and a half pounds of fat gone and fifty eight and a half pound to go. Sx

Week 4

Oh yeah baby!!! 3lbs off. Hurrah! No fridge raid tonight, oh no, so focused I cannot tell you.

I followed the plan to the letter again this week which just goes to show that our bodies are not predictable things. I know you told me so. Anyway....

I was in the mood for a clothes sort out session this week, not because miraculously I can fit into my size 12s but because I found it quite negative looking at the size 12s and 14s hanging in my wardrobe accumulating dust. Most of the stuff I had, I just wouldn’t wear again so I decided to be brave and sort it for the charity shop. A couple of posh size 14s were put back, but on the whole it all went in the sack. The size 16s and small 18s I put into two separate suitcases and am looking forward to opening them (like a free shopping spree) when I have lost the weight. As for when I need a size 14, a girlie shopping trip will be in order and you are all cordially invited.

I had a mad moment after walking Beano this week. I still had my headphones on at the end of the walk and decided to take off my soaking wet jeans whilst bopping to some fabulous 60s music in the kitchen. Before I knew it, I was a possessed aerobics instructor teaching an imaginary audience and throwing arms and legs all over the place and gyrating like a pole dancer but without the pole. Approximately 20 minutes later I finished the imaginary class, after building up a sweat and hit the shower. I would so recommend this to anyone. I felt really invigorated. I suppose it is best if you only execute this at home rather than in a public place unless you have no friends in which case, knock yourself out. Oh, did you also know that cross trainers are apparently good for exercising and not just drying duvet covers? I think I might have a go on ours this week just to see.

My beautiful sister gave me a great idea on how to reward myself during the stages of my weight loss which I am going to slightly adapt and call ‘the bucket list’. It may well change as I go along and have deliberately left some spaces to fill as my confidence and agility grows! The Bucket List countdown.

14lbs   Treatment at Old Thorns	21lbs   Reflexology   (preferably with Daniel Craig doing the rubbing)	25lbs   Drop down the highest red slide at play zone Portsmouth (Note to self...new bra will be required)	28lbs   Western Horse riding in the new forest.    New hat required.	31lbs   Synchronised Swimming with Sister. (will explain later)	34lbs   TBA	38lbs   London and the Theatre	42lbs   25 mile LIDBA Bike Ride (June 2013) raising money for www.harrisonsfund.com
50lbs Water-ski   (with Daniel Craig)	52lbs   TBA	54lbs   TBA	56lbs Flight on Warbird at Goodwood (Have wanted to do this forever!)	60lbs   TBA	62lbs   TBA	65lbs   TBA	66lbs   TBA
69lbs	70lbs The  Holiday

 

So as you have noticed, synchronised swimming with my sister is on the bucket list for when I have lost just over two stones. It was a humorous suggestion made by my younger, size 8-10 sibling in passing and I am sure she never thought it would be seriously part of my list. How wrong could she be? You may think I would be slightly embarrassed to be floundering around side by side carrying my extra weight, but no, I have a secret to share with you all. My sister has a cork bum. She can glide above the water effortlessly but when it comes to touching the bottom of the pool, her bottom is so full of air she pops right back up again. No buoyancy aid required here. Therefore, I feel quietly confident that I may be able to carry this off better than her. Unless of course we have a glass or two of champagne first in which case we are likely to end up wetting ourselves laughing and half drowning at the same time. I think mum should witness this one.

And so to finish this week’s blog, I am going to use part of the Summary my Annie wrote at the end of her project on Gandhi. It reads like this: “Believe in yourself and what you do. Don’t let anything back you down and keep on going until the end.” So ten and a half pounds of fat gone. Fifty nine and a half pound to go. Sx

Week 3

One and a half pounds off. I must admit I feel slightly disappointed as I was expecting a slightly bigger weight loss.  I followed my plan completely and even started walking a bit.

 Here is my confession for the week though - obviously my disappointment gave me a crooked mind set and I had one major wobble when I got home after weighing in.  I have no idea why I did it but the fridge didn’t stand a chance.  It was a full-on raid.  I think my first thought was that I was looking for a ‘reward’ for being good all week and my second thought was that I had a week to correct anything that I stuffed into my mouth.  How stupid was that? I won’t tell you how disappointed I felt when I woke up the next morning.  I glanced at my shiny half a stone lost sticker on my book, put my certificate on the fridge and immediately switched back into SW mode.

Major catastrophe averted as I got back on the plan straight away and even went to the Gym and had a swim today.  Get me!  Catching site of ones ‘fat suit’ wobbling, huffing and sweating whilst straddling the equipment is exactly the incentive required to keep going.  Mirrors all around and nowhere to hide.  To top it all there were three very slim ladies chatting effortlessly whilst running on the treadmill while I was literally gasping for air at a walking pace.  I can move quicker when I have to though.  For example, the ladies changing rooms are housed only a few yards from the pool and I am able to open the door, de-robe the towel and enter the water at speed in the blink of the eye without a ripple on the surface. 

 As I said earlier, I am making an effort to walk more.  Our lovely old dog Beano came out on a mini hike with the girls and I in the pouring rain and he was not amused. His eyes said it all as he stood drenched with a muddy tide line around his middle and an expression which said “we had the whole summer (although that was quite wet too) to get active and of all of the days you could have chosen to kick start your weight loss, it had to be this one”. Anyway he slept in a towel for the rest of the day and is not as enthused about a walk out as he used to be.
 
On a really positive note for this week though, I think this is the first time I have got through a half term with less than half a bottle of wine consumed. I always believed that alcohol consumed during the school holidays didn’t count.  It was just a necessary factor in enabling you to get from the first day to the last without smothering your children. Now I realise you don’t have to reach for the cork screw just the headphones and disappear into your own space for a while.  No point in worrying about the house as it will be in a constant state of trash until they go back to school anyway.  One wine bottle, two Uncle Ben’s sauce jars; a couple of beer bottles and an empty mint sauce jar occupy our recycling box.  I can hold my head high.  Maybe I should leave a note for the recycling boys to let them know that the empty box does not reflect that a serious illness has bestowed me.

Anyway, bring on week three.  Seven and a half pounds of fat gone forever and Sixty two and a half pounds to go.

Sx

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